Today I was out levitating my neighborhood when I lost concentration, and dropped the entire neighborhood. Oops! Well everybody was upset that I cracked their houses, and messed up their shelves etc. So I resigned as Chief Levitator for the village of Lemont Pennsylvania and said "Aweeee!" in a very distinguished manner.

The village council covered their ears. One of the members stood up and said, "The Village of Lemont Pennsylvania strictly prohibits the dignified uttering of meaningless words by resigning Chief Levitators who wear biker shorts under section 0.0000000000000003 of the village code. That is punishable by death by lethal electric guillotine chair injection."

I could get the vague sense that I may be in a bit of trouble. I promptly mooned the council and said, "Would you like fries with that?" I thought that would cheer up the council but actually it made them extremely hungry.

A council member stood and spoke, "Fries do sound good--and nice ass!" They looked at me with wild, hungry animal eyes and said, "Yes we would like four large orders of fries and two large Cokes, a coffee and a medium ice tea with your ass."

I said "To stay or to go?" Then a meteorite fell to the Earth and crushed the entire council.

Once upon a time, there was a beautiful princess who really liked eggs. She liked them so much that she dressed them up as plaid, lesbian nuns with roller skates and took them to Lemont Pennsylvania. There she saw a young man wearing biker shorts in the snow. She said to him, "nice ass!"

The young man was embarrassed by the statement of the beautiful egg princess. "Uh thanks. Are those eggs dressed up as plaid, lesbian nuns wearing roller skates?" he asked.

"Why yes!" she replied, "I dressed them myself!"

"I don't like eggs," said Mr. Nice Ass, "they have too much cholesterol."

The princess happily replied, "that's nice, now you must die!"

"Hey, come on", the biker short guy said, "I like lesbians, I like plaid, 2 out of 3 ain't bad."

The princess smiled, reached into her overloaded silly putty bra, and pulled out a psychedelic armadillo. "OK Mr. Nice Ass, I'm going to give you the armadillo for that!" she said in a loud operatic singing voice with very nice vibrato.

"Wow, I don't think that sentence has ever been sung like that in the history of oral communication!" said Mr. Nice Ass with vertical ineptitude.

"I made it up on the spot!" the princess replied smugly with a continuous belch.

"That's been done before," spewed emphatically from the young man in the biker shorts.

"It's a shame such a nice ass will have to be wasted!" exclaimed the princess in a sweet Darth Vader like style.

"Put down the armadillo, let's talk this thing out," said the man in the biker shorts. "An ass is a terrible thing to waste," he stated like a ringmaster of an ant circus. He then bent over and mooned the princess and asked, "Would you like eggs with this?" in a distinguished tone.

The princess raised up the psychedelic armadillo, unlocked the safety and all of a sudden, there was a bicycle race.

And they all lived happily ever after.